Hello and happy Monday. I hope you had a great weekend. Ours was totally relaxing. Actually last week was pretty much all relaxing which explains my radio silence over the course of it. After some disappointing news on the pregnancy-related front, I really needed to separate myself from work for a minute to decompress. I needed a moment for my soul to heal. I haven’t spoken much about the process that Dina and I are going through, certainly not in depth. And I definitely am feeling compelled to do so – in due time. But for now, I’ll leave it at letting you know that it’s been a difficult and complicated journey. And a very emotionally and physically taxing experience as well. While we obviously need to use a fertility expert to conceive because of the nature of our relationship, we (or maybe just I) had expectations of conceiving more quickly then what’s transpired. I know that getting pregnant is not always the easiest of tasks, but after planning for many many months ahead of time (as a same-sex couple must), we were hoping to be further along. That said, I’m confident and optimistic that this will work when the time is right – when the soul in the universe finds its way into our hearts. While I spent last week recovering (and restoring) from disappointment and physical exhaustion, I’m back to feeling inspired, focused, positive and ready to move forward.
I have so much more to discuss in regard to my own fertility and fertility in general, and I will. Very soon. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am – to feel open and vulnerable enough to disclose my struggle. But I believe that there is a reason behind that and I’m trusting the process.
Wishing you a lovely week ahead full of love and light.
Leading up to my wedding this past November I became diligent about practicing yoga for almost a full year. Not only did I want to get my body in tip-top shape (um, can you say yoga arms?), but it provided me calmness and stillness during the hectic and intense wedding planning months. I was consistently attending class 3x a week and by the time the big night rolled around I felt both physically and mentally strong. I had even mastered headstand, could hold crow pose for 5 full breaths and was “close” to balancing forearm stand (*disclaimer* before starting yoga – I couldn’t even touch my toes!). The meditation piece never quite took, but I’ll chalk that up to anxious genes and wedding planning neurosis. At the rate I was going I didn’t think I would ever lose momentum (something that I’ve habitually done in the past with exercise). How could I? I resigned myself to a yoga infused life and it would be weaved into my weekly schedule. I had gotten relatively good, was enjoying the benefits and had finally found a workout that I liked!
*photo from www.freepeople.com
Wellllllllll…..I hate to say this (publicly, no less!) but since back from the moon, I’ve only practiced a total of 3-4x (we got back November 23rd)! Am I a cliché or what? You know the story….girl gets in best shape of her life before wedding, declares she’s a changed woman and then falls back into old patterns once wedding is complete. Please tell me I’m not alone here! It feels like a huge disappointment and week over week I gear up and meticulously plan (and tell Dina) how I am carving out time for class (believe it or not every week that passes, I truly believe this will be the week), but I’m having some trouble. I admit – I’ve lost a little bit of my yoga mojo.
While having dinner with my best friend Mika last night (who is in fact a phenomenal yoga instructor – find her teaching schedule/contact information here!) I was whining about how I fell off the wagon, need to get back to it and how I’m such a cliché’. Her kind reply was this, “Sometimes cliché’s exist for a reason. It has not been that long since your wedding and you’re probably still adjusting to post wedding life. It happens!” And with just those wise and understanding words (coming from a yoga teacher no less!), I decided two things right then and there:
1. Be gentle on myself. Sometimes we regress for a moment and that is ok. We are still moving forward. Breath, reboot and begin again!
2. MAKE TIME FOR YOGA
*photo from here